It’s your job!

DISCLAIMER : This post is a personal experience and doesn’t intend to hurt anyone’s feelings. Neither does it target anyone in particular. P. S. I am not a feminist, but a firm believer of gender equality.

Yesterday was another usual day, just like every day, these days.

Our sweet, small family of three, my parents and I, had our lunch, and as usual, it was delicious (beacuse my mom had prepared the meal)

Then all of us quickly got back to our assigned chores.

My dad did the dishes, while my mom cleaned the kitchen, and I cleared the table. We used to switch roles in rotation. Like, the day before yesterday, it was my turn to do the dishes. We were used to this system.

I have grown up seeing this division of labour, and I’ve been taught since childhood, that the house belongs to every member of the family and hence, its responsibilities too, belong to everyone.

I always believed that every child, in this 21st century, grows up with these values.

In the evening, I received a call. He was my classmate, in school. We were having a normal conversation until he said how bored he was these days, and asked me to suggest ways to recover from this boredom.

I jokingly asked him to do household chores. And he gave me a laugh.

“Why did you laugh?” I asked. “Nothing,” he shrugged off. Now I was curious. So I decided to turn this conversation (which was intended for fun) into a serious one.

“Don’t you help your mother in the daily chores?”

“No.. I’m a boy!”

“So what? She does so much for you. You can of course help her cook a meal, or maybe do the dishes, or wash the clothes, or at least sweep the floor… When she can do so many chores all alone, why can’t you do one of them?”

“Hey, Madam, I have other work to do. I exercise in the morning, and then take rest. By the time I get up, it’s already 11 am, and half of the work is done.”

“Then do the other half. You can help her with the lunch.”

“Leave this boring topic. Let’s talk about something else. Tell me how was your day? What did you do today?”

Housework is something you do that no one notices until you don’t do it.

I was a bit annoyed by this time. I felt he was taking his mother for granted. And I didn’t like it a bit. “Nothing much, was studying in the morning, then helped mom with the chores, and then I was helping dad with his account calculations.”

“Oh good! So you do the household chores, right? Good for you! After all you’ll need this in the future.”

“Of course, I’ll need it in the future. You’ll need it too. We all should learn to do the basic household chores. And I suggest you too start doing this from today itself.“

“Hey, why would I need it? You are a girl, that’s why your mother taught you the chores.”

This was the limit of my patience. Had I not been at home, I’d have surely used some “not so appropriate” word. But I controlled myself.

Guys, my parents have taught me the chores, only to make me independent, irrespective of the fact that I’m a girl. I am pretty sure that had I been a boy, they’d have still taught me these.

“Listen, I disagree with your views. What do you mean to say? That household chores are the duties of only a woman?”

“Of course, that’s what I mean. It is their job. What else do they have to do? Just sit at home and cook? Can’t they do even that? And I’m pretty sure, if we, men, start helping them, they’ll start demanding more and more, and make us do all the chores.”

If household chores were easy and not a big task, then why are our mothers’ heels cracked and their hands rough to touch?

I was disgusted at this point. I usually don’t argue on such topics but this time, it was annoying me. I was fed up of this mindset. I don’t say everyone has such views. I’ve seen my father, my cousin brothers, and even many other people helping their wives, mothers and female counterparts in every small and big task. Many even take pride in doing household chores.

“What on earth do you mean by they have no other work? What about the working women?! And leave that aside, why do you think doing household chores is easy? The great ladies, whom the society calls “housewives” do the noblest and the toughest job. Raising a family isn’t easy.”

The house belongs to every member of the family and hence its responsibilities, too, belong to everyone.

“Listen Miss, keep your views to yourself. Do all that you wish to, and don’t brag about doing household chores, you’re a girl and that’s your job. And by what you’re saying, I feel your husband would be really unlucky, he might end up doing all the chores in the house….” he said with a hoarse laugh.

“Of course not. We would divide the work among ourselves. Each of us would do an equal share of work. And how could you say that? It’s not just my job. We all should do it.”

I usually, don’t lose my temper easily, but this time, I lost my cool.

“Listen, I can’t force my views upon you. Nor do I want to. But I have every right to keep toxicity away. If these are your views, then I’m sorry but I don’t want to talk to you further.”

And before he could say something, I had cut the call.

This experience was a horrible one. Never had I ever thought that even in today’s world, people could be so narrow minded.

I am not a revolutionist, going around, changing people’s mentalities. I believe, unless a person is willing to learn, no one can teach him. And that’s why, I leave people with what they believe, but I never refrain from putting forward my own views.

Everyone has the right to nurture perceptions and I am no one to force someone into accepting something. But, as said earlier, I have every right to stand with my own perceptions, and keep myself away from such toxic people.

He called me back, after sometime. I didn’t want to argue further, nor was I in a mood for any conversation. Still, out of common courtesy, I picked it up.

“I am sorry. I had no intention of hurting your sentiments. Nor did I want to insult you in any way. Please forgive me.”

I didn’t know what to reply. So I thought it better to keep quiet.

“Please don’t be angry. I actually realised that I was wrong. I saw my mother working in the kitchen, although she had a back ache since morning. I realised, that you were correct. And I am ashamed of my own self. I am going to help her in the chores. Just wanted to thank you for this eye-opening conversation. Talk to you later. Bye.”

There was a smile on my face, not the one which you have when you have won, but a smile, which you have when you know you have done the right thing.

“Good that you realised your mistake. Bye.” I replied.

This incident had left me in deep thought. I realised, there are people who still inculcate the orthodox irrational views into their minds, which needs to be changed.

By and large, housewives and mothers are the only workers who don’t have a regular time-off. They are the great vacation less class.

The upbringing of children is incomplete without these values. I hope people realise this soon, and we can live in a better world, in true sense.

A little time teaching kids to pick up their toys now, will save you a lot of time later, picking up after them and shouting at them to pick up their stuff.

It’s not my job. It’s not yours even. It’s our job.

©Tisha and The Brainy Essays (2020)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

All Rights Reserved.